Ok, this is just ridiculous

I'm sucked into facebook and reading blogs, which I haven't had the time to do in about 47 years. And so, while blog stalking people I barely know, the thought suddenly dawns on me. Hey, I have a blog! When WAS the last time I updated it? So, I pull it up and what do I see but pics of my baby girl with a broken leg. Holy cow! We've got to move on. Calvin is 16 months old now. Get it together, Sarah! So, there's no way I can recall everything that has happened in the last year in one post, but I'll give some highlights in bullet form.

* September 2010 - probably the worst month of my life, including the dark times. I'd much rather go through that divorce than go through having a child with a body cast on and a 2 month old baby. Ok, that may be an exaggeration, but you get the picture. It was rough.

* October 2010 - the cast comes off. Things are looking up. Emily doesn't walk at first, but after about 2 weeks, she's walking with a limp. That was probably the saddest thing to watch. But, the doctor said it was normal and not to worry and at her 6 month check up, she's totally normal, well except for maybe the extra strong left femur. Now, watching her run is probably one of the greatest things ever. Sometimes, I have to fight back the tears. Yep, that hormonal thing doesn't go away with me. Ever. I'm just a cry baby. Get over it.

*November 2010 - February 2011 - These months are pretty much a blur, so I'm just going to skip over them.

*March 2011- I flew to BR alone to visit Becky one last time before she got hitched. I had forgotten how easy it is to fly solo without any children. It was a dream. It was really nice being back home and visiting with friends. It was so nice to have time to spend with just Becky and eat at Raising Cane's and get cake from Ambrosia. MMMMMM cakkkkeeee.

*April 2011 - Becky got hitched in Birmingham. John and I drove up there for the wedding only to find out that the day before, several tornadoes had ripped through northern Alabama. Luckily, Becky and her people were ok, but the hotel where her reception was supposed to be held was without power. Even the temple was without power the day before her wedding, so we were worried that it wouldn't happen that day. But, everything worked out. The temple got power, they got sealed and we went to eat at Ryan's after the wedding. It was beautiful and I'm so happy for her. She deserves all the happiness in the world. And Steve seems like a great guy.

*May 2011 - decided to put the house up for sale. The market is terrible, but it was something we felt like we needed to do. It's still on the market as of today, so what happens next remains to be seen. Stay tooned... Also, drove to Atlanta to attend John's cousin Christina's wedding. Got to see John's grandparents and spend time at Ikea with Steven and Kristin. And saw Bro. Bradley who was my institute teacher during my freshman year at LSU. He looked exactly the same and he actually remembered me. We are really so happy for Christina. That was a fun trip.

*June 2011 - School's out which means Matthew leaves for Utah for 5 weeks. It's hard on me, but it's definitely gotten easier over the years. It's much easier to let him go now that it was when he was little. Luckily, his dad decides to move to Jacksonville to be closer to his wife's family and Matthew. How do I feel about that? Well, how would you feel if your ex husband who had always lived on the other side of the country and not bothered you that much suddenly decided to move to your city and be a constant reminder of one of the biggest mistakes of your life? But, really, it's been better than I anticipated. He's working hard to make the situation amiable and I am too. Plus, I do think it's been good for Matthew to have his step brother on the same soccer team. And I get a break every other weekend. See? I'm good at looking on the brightside. It's all good.

*July 2011 - Matthew's still gone and this is the first birthday I've missed. It was hard. But, we sent him a care package and called him and he was totally fine with the festivities planned for him in Utah. Give the kid some cake and buy him something and he's cool. At the end of the month, we all flew to Denver to spend time with John's fam. We picked up Matthew at the Denver airport and the next day drove over to Hastings, Ne for the Ruberson family reunion. I would like to take this moment to publicly say how much I love John's family. They are awesome. My only experience with family reunions was driving to Texas to meet some distant branch of the Craig family where I didn't know a soul. Usually, the car would break down on the way back. Once, our luggage fell off the top of the car and landed all over the interstate. Yeah, that was awesome. But, John's family reunions are always so much fun. They have always been in Hastings, where his grandparents live and it is just this cute little town with an amazing water park. But, my favorite part is when Grandma lovingly encourages everyone to sing in sacrament meeting. Most of John's family are members of the church, but even the ones who aren't or any who may have slightly differing beliefs stand up on the stage and sing the hymn that Grandma chooses and it sounds like angels. And they practice once the night before. I think the thing that amazes me so much is just the unity of his family. They may not all agree with everything that someone is doing, but the love is there and they would do anything for anyone in the family. I'm so grateful for the legacy that his grandparents have left for their posterity. They have been such an example of strength and the importance of family. I feel lucky to be a part of it.

*August - Matthew got rezoned for a different elementary school, which was at first traumatic, but now I think he is doing really well. Emily and I are participating in a Joy School with 3 other little boys her age from our ward. It's going really well. Today was my day to teach and I made it through Calvin screaming the whole time and Emily crying every time something didn't go her way. But, seriously, it was fun and I'm glad we're a part of it.

*September - Matthew starts soccer and he's doing really well this season. Probably the best he's ever done. It looks like it's finally starting to click. This makes me happy. His friend Carter is on the team and so is his step brother. Also, my birthday is this month. I celebrated my 29th again. John took the day off, we went out to eat, I got new running shoes. It was no Disney World, but still an awesome day.

*October - Yesterday, we ventured to the Magic Kingdom with all 3 for the first time. Somehow, I managed to convince John to let me purchase week day season passes. Yeah, I know it was a frivolous expense, but it makes me happy knowing that I can go back as often as I want until next October. I just love that place. Emily wouldn't rest until we had stood in line for 45 minutes each time to see both Tinker Bell and Rapunzel. And she convinced us to buy her a princess dress at the end of the day. I would never normally spend $30 on a princess dress, but she wore it for the rest of the day and slept in it last night and the look on her face while she was wearing it was just priceless. She kept referring to herself as princess or sleeping beauty. She really can be cute sometimes.

Well, I guess that about sums it up. And if you're still reading this, you are either really bored or really putting off something you don't want to do. Either way, I hope you've enjoyed hearing about the last year of my life and I promise to do my best to do a better job of keeping up with what's going on.

I've fallen and I can't get up!

Our little Emily, who I've known for a while is an even bigger clutz than I am, fell off a bar stool at Quizno's on Friday at lunch and fractured her femur. At first, I just thought she was being her usual over dramatic self because she was really upset and holding her knee. But after half an hour of not calming down and John saying "I think she's really hurt", I called the doctor and brought her in for an x-ray. After they realized it was broken, they sent me to the ER at Wolfson's. John was still at work, Calvin was with my friend Tressa and Matthew was still at school, thank goodness. I think this was the shortest amount of time I've ever had to wait in an ER, because they got us back to Triage and into a room within half an hour. Then it was just time to wait. John got there just as they were doing more x-rays because they couldn't get the ones from the doctor's office to upload. My poor little girl was in so much pain and every time they moved her it just got worse. So, after they saw for themselves that it was broken, they decided to put her on a morphine drip. Morphine?!? They said it was a really low dosage, but I think it was at that moment that I realized that this is a really big deal. I guess I was a little naive about bones being broken, having never experienced it myself or with anyone close to me. So, this an all new experience for me. I guess that's both good and bad. Sometimes it's good not knowing fully what you are in for. Ignorance is bliss.

So, as it turned out, I had to leave her with John at the hospital just before they were about to admit her into a room where she would be staying the night so I could pick up Matthew and Calvin and bring John some clothes and things for his overnight stay in the hospital. They set her surgery, which they were able to do by x-ray, so no pins, thank goodness, for 9:00 the next morning. That was exactly when I had to be at the airport to drop off Matthew for a weekend visit to Will's. So, I didn't get to be there when they prepped her for the OR. She was apparently very talkative as they were wheeling her in and loved the "blue hair" that she and the nurses got to wear. She also chose her cast color, which is hot pink.

Luckily, as I was lying in bed, awake at 3:00 a.m., I decided to do some research on this type of brake on the internet. That's the first time I saw a picture of a spica cast. That's the first time that I realized that this isn't going to just be a leg cast. This thing goes all the way up to her chest! Yeah, this is a big deal. I'm so glad I found that, because the doctor's weren't very forthcoming with information and didn't tell us exactly what they were going to do until that morning and I wasn't there to hear it anyway. I don't think I would have been able to hold it together if I had seen her for the first time after her surgery, thinking it was just a leg cast and seeing her in a cast that covers two thirds of her body.

So, that Saturday morning, I dropped Matthew off at the airport and Calvin and I drove to the hospital where Emily was already in the OR. We waited with John in the waiting room until the doctor came out and told us everything had gone really well and gave us a copy of the x-ray. He said they were going to wake her up in a few minutes and then bring her back down to her room, so we headed back to her room so we'd be there when she got back. When she did get back, she was asleep and slept until the afternoon.

I was really worried about her waking up and realizing she was in this cast and freaking out, but she really handled it pretty well. She only asked to take it off a few times and we just told her she had to keep it on for a little while to help her leg feel better. Then, after making sure she didn't have a problem going to the bathroom, they let us go around dinner time. We brought her to the car in a wagon and it took about half an hour to figure out how to get her into her car seat, but then we were on our way.

It's been about a week and a half since the accident and Emily is doing much better. She doesn't complain about her leg hurting anymore and we are able to move her around the house a lot easier. The biggest thing is going to the bathroom and I think we have a system going with that too where we wrap her legs in press n seal saran wrap to protect the cast. We use a blow dryer on cool to help when she has an itch. And benedryl helps with that too. I think she's actually enjoying being waiting on hand and foot. She likes to get out of her bean bag chair and play on the floor on her elbows. Today she actually crawled from the living room into the kitchen. We have an appointment on Thursday to see how she's doing and I'm praying they tell me she can be out of it in two weeks after that. Everyone has been great with offering help and Becky was here for the last 5 days. I wish she could have stayed longer, but darn her for having a life! I can't wait until I can look back on this as a distant memory. Emily should make a full recovery and shouldn't need any physical therapy. Now, whether or not I make a full recovery or need therapy is a different story entirely.

I've got the itchin', and skritchin'

Today at work I was listening to Peter Gabriel's album "Scratch my Back" and someone walked in, says "Oh, you're on the phone" I looked up and said "huh, no" (yes, I say huh) and they respond with "Are you listening to Elevator music?" I sent a mental punch to the throat their way and went on about my day.

Lately, For some unknown reason I am once again Jonesing to listen to good music. and lots of it. Not necessarily live shows, but I am liking listening to music as I drive, work, mow the lawn, and just hang around. The only obstacle to doing this outside of work is those darn kids of mine! Em and Matt only want to watch movies in the car, and if I try to listen to music in the house they look at me like I've grown a few extra heads. (I can and do listen to whatever I want when I mow the lawn, it's just my own laziness that stops me from mowing too often.)

My latest album stack (From the Library) is as follows: (most with comments, or justifications as to why I'm listening to them)

• Scratch my back / Peter Gabriel (It's Peter Gabriel, you can't go wrong with listening to him!)
• Draw the line / David Gray (A few years back I was turned on to him, but never spent any time listening to his music, as you can see currently listening to 3 albums = making up for lost time)
• A new day at midnight / David Gray
• Fight with tools / Flobots (Great band from Denver, I could care less for their political stance)
• Ganging up on the sun / Guster (Ever since "Amsterdam" I've been meaning to listen more to Guster)
• Greatest hits / David Gray
• Walk On / John Hiatt (I really like "Crossing Muddy Waters" and am hoping for more of the same, but if memory serves his music is hit and miss)
• The Good, The Bad, & The Queen / The Good, The Bad, & The Queen (I grabbed this at the library because DangerMouse produced this album - I know nothing of them)
• Hotwired / The Soup Dragons (Trying to relive the early 90s, next up is some "God Fodder")
• Bring the Family / John Hiatt
• Heart On / Eagles of Death Metal (Just seeing if they're worth more than a 1 hit wonder)
• Death by Sexy / Eagles of Death Metal
• Now That's What I Call Music! 30 / Various (Sometimes I pretend to care about "current" top 40 music - and the NOW CD's make that possible)
• Antony and the Johnsons / Antony and the Johnsons (a few years back someone sent me a song by these folks, it has intrigued me, and I've meant to spend some time listening to more)
• Bright Yellow, Bright Orange / The Go Betweens (no idea about these, at the library grabbed it based solely on the cover)
• CHARGE!! / The Aquabats (I haven't heard an Aquabats album in about 10 years - guilty pleasure, luckily they're a good ska band)
• Stolen Moments / John Hiatt

If anyone from Denver is reading this, you may be asking - where is all the Techno John?! don't worry! I still listen to techno/club/rave music...just in moderation. I've recently been pilfering some podcasts from various DJs from Denver (DJ DMX & DeeJay Diabolic from the 303 Collective are rapidly becoming favorites)

Why ramble on and on about music you may ask? well, because I REALLY want this little toy

This hand-held wonder is the Tonium Pacemaker DJ - it holds 60 gigs and lets you mix live, or record and upload to your computer where you can tweak your mixes.- and Sarah says I can get this hand held DJ unit. It's a nifty little thing, and I'm kind of stoked to get it... the one caveat to getting it, is I must get rid of ALL my other DJ gear. It's a compromise I just may be willing to make in order to play with this. Because I know darn well, I'm not ever going to get back into DJing again, so it really doesn't make sense to hold on to all my old gear - and upgrading from all my CD decks, Turntables, mixers, into this little thing would really do wonders for the available space in my garage.

Will I actually do this? I dunno. but it's fun to dream of it for now.

Calvin Andrew Poor

Here are some pictures my friend Happy took of Calvin when he was 10 days old. I know I need to get some more recent pics up, and I will soon, but due to lack of sleep, I'm sort of behind. She did a great job! And I'm so glad she was able to take these while he was so little. I've always wanted to get newborn pictures taken and this is the first time I've been able to get them done before 6 weeks. We love our little cutie!

Wordless Wednesday (Newborn Edition)

OK, so maybe I was being a little overdramatic...

As of Thursday, the baby is head down. The doctor said that he doesn't think the baby will turn again, so things are looking good for the VBAC. I now go in every week to the doctor until this little whippersnapper decides to make his debut. Just thought I'd give everyone an update. I have been going to the chiropractor twice a week, getting acupuncture, and massages and I don't know if that's what did it, but it couldn't have hurt. And it felt pretty good too, except the acupuncture. I also wanted to say thanks for all the prayers, please keep them coming!!

I need a miracle

So, I had my 34 week check up on Thursday and it looks like this baby is breech. I'm not as freaked out about a c-section as I was with Emily. I guess I now know what to expect and it really wasn't bad. My doctor is great, you can hardly see the scar and I had no complications with the last one. I know that many women have c-sections and they are fine, everything turns out ok. But, I feel so dissapointed. I feel like Heavenly Father gave me this body so that I could give birth like He intended. I have done it before, I should be able to do this. Also, this could quite possibly be the last time I will get to experience child birth and my plan wasn't to experience it in an operating room. I've been researching online different ways to get the baby to turn and it just takes me back to when I was pregnant with Emily. I tried everything, all the techniques that I'm finding again, I tried them with Emily and nothing worked. My only consolation is that with Emily, I didn't find out until I was 37 weeks and there just really wasn't anymore space for her to move. So, hopefully since we are aware of it a few weeks earlier, he will have room to turn. I started seeing a chiropractor, getting massages and acupuncture and I'm going to sit upside down, think thoughts about the baby turning and maybe even take a flashlight to my belly, if I'm feeling really ambitious. Overall, though, I'm praying for a miracle. I know that Heavenly Father wants to grant us the righteous desires of our hearts. I feel like having a VBAC is a righteous desire on my part. For whatever reason this keeps happening to me, I know that Heavenly Father can give me a miracle. I'm only afraid that He won't. That there's probably some lesson here that He wants me to learn that I don't want to learn. I know that it will be ok if I end up having to have another c-section, the baby will get here one way or another and I will be grateful if he is healthy and I'm just grateful for the opportunity to be a mother. I know that anyone who tells me all these things is well intentioned, but it's just not what I want to hear right now. I guess I don't know what I want to hear right now, maybe that my feelings are understandable, that I'm not just a crazy hormonal pregnant lady, but that I am important enough to Heavenly Father for Him to hear my prayers and grant me this little miracle, that may not seem important to anyone else but me. Maybe those feelings just prove that I am a crazy hormonal pregnant lady. Today in sacrament meeting, Bishop Roth spoke and he talked about this stupid palm tree that he planted in his yard. It had been uprooted for a couple of weeks before he planted it and he wasn't sure if it would survive, but it was really important to him. A few weeks after he planted it, he saw little sprigs growing and he felt like Heavenly Father had heard his prayer. When I was listening to this, I couldn't help but think, aren't I as important as a stupid palm tree?

I am going to do my best not to give up hope. I'm going to do everything I can to get this baby in the right position and I'm going to try my best to be ok with whatever outcome there is because I do know that when it's all said and done, having a healthy baby is the most important thing. I am very grateful for the opportunity I had to have such an "easy" labor and delivery with Matthew. Some women never get to experience that. I honestly don't remember a whole lot about it other than how amazing it was to know that my body could do that. It was pretty much the same thing I felt when I reached the finish line at the Gate River Run. I did something that I never thought I could do. Hmmm, maybe that'll be a good consolation prize if I do end up having to have a c, I'll just start running more races...